I arrived at Kathy’s house on the 5th of January. She was sitting in her living room and when I came through the door, she had a blank look on her face. Her scleras were yellow and her skin at first glance appeared tanned. When she saw Myra follow me through the front door, she asked, “How did you two get in contact?” I responded, “We have our ways.”
Myra stayed and chatted with us for a few minutes and then gracefully made her departure. We had discussed Kathy’s condition on our drive from the airport. Just 5 days earlier, they had celebrated the new year together. Myra shared with me that Kathy had eaten very little and seemed winded if she walked any distance.
I sat next to Kathy and looked her square in the eyes. She looked down and with a soft quiet tone said, “Bette, I am very sick. I don’t think I am going to a make it through this one.” I said, “Kathy, I know.” “I have noticed that you have been getting confused.” Then I began to cry. Kathy said, “Please, don’t cry.” “When David was dying, I wished I would have talked more about death with him.”
My heart was heavy as she proceeded to talk about her symptoms and what the future might hold for her. Just as quickly as the conversation started, it ended with little Shayne coming in the front door from school. Further discussion would have to wait until we had private time together. She was sheltering her pride and joy from what she knew to be the inevitable. Little Shayne had said to her on several occasions, “Meme, you aren’t going to die are you?” Each time, Kathy quickly responded, “No, I am not going to die!”
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Blog Sidebar
I am sad to report that my blog has taken a different turn from my original plan of informing Kathy's loved ones of her reoccurrance and progression in fighting this dreadful disease. Kathy lost her courageous battle with breast cancer on the 5th of February. I was with her when she took her last breath and for that I am so very grateful. She was a unique person and I have some humor (over the course of the last month of her life) that I want to document that is so very Kathy and so very precious! She is gone but will never be forgotten.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A Call to Myra
I returned to work from the Christmas holiday on Monday, the 29th of December. In my office, I kept thinking of my conversation with Kathy and her hesitation when I posed the question of going with her to see Dr. Lower. My mind was going in circles -- do I wait, do I go, she wants me there, but will she need me later when she has treatments?
Then a thought popped into my head, I'll call Kathy's friend Myra and feel out the situation. If Kathy had shared her thoughts about her medical condition and upcoming doctor appointment with anyone, it would be Myra.
Myra's voice became shaky when I told her that Kathy was showing signs of jaundice and that I learned from my friend, Dean, that she was probably very, very ill. In fact, I remember telling Myra that once the liver starts failing, as was indicative of the jaundice, it becomes a 60 day period of time - very definitive, very scary. I know Myra thought I was koo koo.
We finished our phone conversation with Myra saying that Kathy was going to join her and Darryl for New Year's eve and that she would feel her out and give me her opinion of Kathy's condition. That sounded great to me. I felt better on two fronts; first, Kathy was getting out of the house (she must be feeling better!), and second, I knew Myra would give me her first hand opinion.
Then a thought popped into my head, I'll call Kathy's friend Myra and feel out the situation. If Kathy had shared her thoughts about her medical condition and upcoming doctor appointment with anyone, it would be Myra.
Myra's voice became shaky when I told her that Kathy was showing signs of jaundice and that I learned from my friend, Dean, that she was probably very, very ill. In fact, I remember telling Myra that once the liver starts failing, as was indicative of the jaundice, it becomes a 60 day period of time - very definitive, very scary. I know Myra thought I was koo koo.
We finished our phone conversation with Myra saying that Kathy was going to join her and Darryl for New Year's eve and that she would feel her out and give me her opinion of Kathy's condition. That sounded great to me. I felt better on two fronts; first, Kathy was getting out of the house (she must be feeling better!), and second, I knew Myra would give me her first hand opinion.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Our Usual Saturday Phone Call
We talked as usual on Saturday, the 27th of December and discussed her visit with mom and dad, our whirlwind trip to Kansas City, New Year's eve, and finally her upcoming appointment with Dr. Lower at BCC. Kathy had gotten word that she had an appointment at the Barrett Cancer Center (BCC) on the 6th of January, a Tuesday.
Kathy also mentioned an invitation to celebrate New Year's eve with her friends, Myra and Darryl Avery. The past few years, they had asked Kathy to join them for a nice dinner prior to ringing in the new year. I was ecstatic to hear that she felt like getting out and being with friends. But she mentioned that she didn't think she was going to except the offer and would stay home and have a quiet, restful evening by herself. I tried to encourage her that getting out of the house might be just what she needed; a breath of fresh air.
As we closed our phone conversation, I asked her if she wanted me to accompany her to the BCC appointment with Dr. Lower. She hesitated and said, "oh, you don't have time off from work." I quickly responded, "it's a new year and I have 15 days of vacation, you know me, I can't wait to spend them!"
Her hesitation told me everything and she didn't have to say a word. She wanted me to be with her - she wanted me to be there.
Kathy also mentioned an invitation to celebrate New Year's eve with her friends, Myra and Darryl Avery. The past few years, they had asked Kathy to join them for a nice dinner prior to ringing in the new year. I was ecstatic to hear that she felt like getting out and being with friends. But she mentioned that she didn't think she was going to except the offer and would stay home and have a quiet, restful evening by herself. I tried to encourage her that getting out of the house might be just what she needed; a breath of fresh air.
As we closed our phone conversation, I asked her if she wanted me to accompany her to the BCC appointment with Dr. Lower. She hesitated and said, "oh, you don't have time off from work." I quickly responded, "it's a new year and I have 15 days of vacation, you know me, I can't wait to spend them!"
Her hesitation told me everything and she didn't have to say a word. She wanted me to be with her - she wanted me to be there.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Shayne's Phone Call
Rick and I decided to go on a road trip the day after Christmas. We had a quiet holiday and I had a Christmas present that I wanted to return to the Burberry store and the closest store was in Kansas City.
After we decided to get out of town for a couple of days, I got on the Internet and made a reservation at the pet friendly, Intercontinental at the Plaza. We decided that our Scotties deserved to make the trip with us and so we headed off to Kansas City.
Shortly after our arrival that evening, we were having dinner at Figlio, the Italian Restaurant, when my cell phone rang. It was Shayne calling to tell me that his mother was showing signs of jaundice and that grandma (mom) had noticed too, when they were together for Christmas. He said that even her eyes were showing the yellow discoloration. I could tell in his voice he was extremely worried about her condition. After all, just the week before, Kathy told him she wasn't very sick since she wasn't showing signs of jaundice. How prophetic!
From a past experience with my best friend, Brooke Anne's battle with cancer and liver failure, I knew that Kathy's cancer must be much further advanced that any of us could have imagined. My friend Brooke Anne's husband, Dean, had shared his experiences with me and I knew that she wasn't going to squeak through this time around.
Through the noise of the restaurant and the conversation with Shayne, I felt as if my head was spinning like a top. How could this be happening? Just a few weeks before Christmas, we had such great conversations; laughing and sharing stories, it seemed like she was so happy and enjoying life. From those conversations, I felt as if I was getting my old sister back, the one I remember being so close to back in the early 90's.
After we decided to get out of town for a couple of days, I got on the Internet and made a reservation at the pet friendly, Intercontinental at the Plaza. We decided that our Scotties deserved to make the trip with us and so we headed off to Kansas City.
Shortly after our arrival that evening, we were having dinner at Figlio, the Italian Restaurant, when my cell phone rang. It was Shayne calling to tell me that his mother was showing signs of jaundice and that grandma (mom) had noticed too, when they were together for Christmas. He said that even her eyes were showing the yellow discoloration. I could tell in his voice he was extremely worried about her condition. After all, just the week before, Kathy told him she wasn't very sick since she wasn't showing signs of jaundice. How prophetic!
From a past experience with my best friend, Brooke Anne's battle with cancer and liver failure, I knew that Kathy's cancer must be much further advanced that any of us could have imagined. My friend Brooke Anne's husband, Dean, had shared his experiences with me and I knew that she wasn't going to squeak through this time around.
Through the noise of the restaurant and the conversation with Shayne, I felt as if my head was spinning like a top. How could this be happening? Just a few weeks before Christmas, we had such great conversations; laughing and sharing stories, it seemed like she was so happy and enjoying life. From those conversations, I felt as if I was getting my old sister back, the one I remember being so close to back in the early 90's.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Christmas Holiday
I hadn't planned on a trip to Ohio for Christmas, but after hearing that Kathy's cancer may have returned, I wondered if Rick and I should reconsider and make a fast trip to mom and dad's to celebrate the holiday and most importantly, be with our family. My thoughts were going back and forth. I mentioned it to Kathy and she said that she wasn't sure they were going to the Fort as they might wait until after the holiday.
In the meantime, I had come down with a bug and decided that since I wasn't feeling well, I didn't need to chance giving my germs to Kathy or mom and dad. So, we stayed in Northwest Arkansas and had a very quiet holiday. Little did I know that I would be making the trip in a matter of days.
As it turned out, Kathy, Shayne Sr., and Shayne Jr. decided they would go to the Fort on Thursday and would make the return trip to Cincinnati on Friday. Kathy wasn't feeling well (she didn't come right out and say she wasn't feeling well, but I could hear it in her voice) and I knew she wasn't really up for the trip, but she wanted mom's cooking and even requested a pecan pie.
Her request for a pecan pie seemed rather strange to me; she had never mentioned that she liked pecan pie. That coupled with some conversations we had around sending and checking emails, I began to worry that she was having some mental confusion. As my own form of preservation, I put those thoughts in the back of my mind.
In the meantime, I had come down with a bug and decided that since I wasn't feeling well, I didn't need to chance giving my germs to Kathy or mom and dad. So, we stayed in Northwest Arkansas and had a very quiet holiday. Little did I know that I would be making the trip in a matter of days.
As it turned out, Kathy, Shayne Sr., and Shayne Jr. decided they would go to the Fort on Thursday and would make the return trip to Cincinnati on Friday. Kathy wasn't feeling well (she didn't come right out and say she wasn't feeling well, but I could hear it in her voice) and I knew she wasn't really up for the trip, but she wanted mom's cooking and even requested a pecan pie.
Her request for a pecan pie seemed rather strange to me; she had never mentioned that she liked pecan pie. That coupled with some conversations we had around sending and checking emails, I began to worry that she was having some mental confusion. As my own form of preservation, I put those thoughts in the back of my mind.
Friday, December 19, 2008
The Doctor's Appointment
Her doctor's appointment went without incident. After a battery of questions, blood tests, and urine analysis, the results were compiled. A call from the nurse revealed bilirubin was present in her urine. This was worrisome news and an ultrasound was immediately ordered by her doctor. After the ultrasound, her doctor was certain the cancer had returned.
Due to the fact that she no longer had health insurance, her doctor referred her to the Barrett Cancer Center at the University of Cincinnati.
Due to the fact that she no longer had health insurance, her doctor referred her to the Barrett Cancer Center at the University of Cincinnati.
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